Just My Luck...

my birthday "surprise"

2009-08-16T17:36:00.001-07:00

as you all know, if not you should know, that august 7th was my birthday...cecil took me on a quick trip out of town so avis and marlene could arrange a surprise birthday party for me...come on with marlene in town you know it wasn't going to be a secret for long...i overheard uncle jessie say somethin bout it at the bowling alley Friday night, he said he heard it from charlene, who heard it from wanda who overheard it from tammy when she was yacking to her hair stylist during last thursday's weekly set and of course tammy heard it straight from marlene...so anyway that was a bust...but the day was not without our moments...it was so freaking hot sweat was dripping all around - i just don't know how avis and marlene kept all that make up on. Cecil arranged for a 50/50 drawing to be held and we are going to use the proceeds to rent out the bowling alley for the last nascar race of the year...hold onto your hat boys and girls if you thought the birthday party was wild.
that party will be rip roaring..

****
Avis on the hunt for something...probably Kenny to give him hell for something...

and here's kenny trying to stay away...
Hey, it's my party and that's my beer... marlene getting her hands on some 50/50 tickets...

another shot of marlene and her best friend tammy i have never ever seen tammy without a cig hanging off her lips

uncle jessie in his own world, as usual...

and cecil trying to ignore janices daughter-jackee while she gives him the evil eye...

janice showing off another tattoo and her butt crack

does she not own a good pair of stretch pants that fit or better yet anything that fits?...
and hey...where the hell are my presents and cake??? No, the kegs were NOT enough.

two birds, one stone

2009-07-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

so this lady i know in little rock tagged me in some queer facebook misadventure and wanted to know 25 random things about me...ok so what else do i have to do before headin to the alley so i will share with you....now get off my back about updating this damn blog and staying in touch on the time suck known as facebook....

1. i live in a trailer park and love it
2. i am a senior citizen but still like to party
3. i still have a crush on my high school love - T-Roy
4. i've slept with a black man - and it is true, i will never go back
5. i smoke kool milds...in a box...and save the lectures my lungs are made of steel
6. i miss night owl theater
7. i still love to macrame pot holders
8. i collect pink flamingos
9. beer cures my hangovers
10. i enjoy beer out of cans
11. slim jims rule the snack aisle
12. i wish i owned a harley
13. no, those arent dentures, the real deal baby...there are not many here in the park that can claim a whole set.
14. been married 5 times...bart, frank, walter, billy and billy bob
15. my car has a working muffler
16. my favorite color is turquoise
17. i like jackie o sunglasses
18. nascar is the real american pasttime...RIP, dale
19. i prefer a booth to a table
20. plastic cups are fine, collectible and dont break when drunk
21. gas station coffee is the best kept secret in my hood
22. i once dreamed of being a dancer but never made it past the gentlemen's club...if u know what i mean... 23. i can do the splits
24. obama made me a democrat for life...
25. i hate being tagged in stupid fb pranks

from sorrow to smiles

2009-06-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

its been a tough week, a lot of souls to tip one back for, first ed mcmahon, then farrah and of course michael. i wasn't much of a jackson fan but the deaths of farrah and ed rocked my world. like most of us here in the trailer park i have been dreaming for years to open the door to ed holding that big cardboard check with my name on it...ms noreen j walker...so since that dream has now gone down the drain i immediately ran up to the kwik stop and bought myself a cool $20 worth of scratch off lottery tix...and wouldn't you know it i won $1,000 -- can you believe it, me the unluckiest person in the world a winner -- no i didn't win the $10M, but really does anyone, i am sure it is a hoax to take our hard earned government money. so with this grand burning a hole in my polyesters i remembered about that to die for

gold 1989 lincoln town car that i saw down on the car lot...and to top it off ed style i even got to keep the balloon attached to the antenna reminiscent of the balloon bouquet those lucky ducks got with their big cardboard checks. well that's all for now -- gotta take a cruise in the town car.

man the looks i get around the trailer park...thinking of getting some vanity plates...i'll keep ya updated, can't wait to drive it up in style to the family reunion in a couple months...stay tuned...njw **RIP ED**

Happy Freakn Easter

2009-04-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

saturday night special

2009-03-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah Yeah, I know these posts are few and far between but shit

be glad I friggin do them at all..

Anyway..

Remember my sister

Avis

and

her boyfriend Kenny... well, Avis calls me this A.M> between my morning cup of folgers and my 3rd cig and wants me to accompany her and Kenny to some friggin banquet night at the

Moose Lodge.. What the hell do I need to go for? I ask her...Well bottom line Kenny decidedto take the early retirement package from the factory and there's a party in his honor tonight...Avis needs someone to go with her because hes just like all these old factory boys that can't hold their liquor like they could twenty years ago. Avis needs me there to make the emergency exit before the men become boys...nothing good can come of that

SOoooooooooooooo--She picks me up an hour later and we are off to the beauty shop for a wash and set on Avis of course, I wasnt do for another one for at least

another week....

Avis wanted to hit the mall next but I had to draw the line somewhere. Hell no am I going into that suburban hell, the prices are downright ludicrous-nothing wrong with the wranglers and the Jaclyn Smith line at k-mart for a fraction, a mean fraction of the price...plus I had to get home and have a couple before she and Kenny picked me up.

This is the dress i finally settled on ...

been in my closet for round five years...got it for cecil's wedding (per-janice) that never came to fruition due to cecil's bachelor party escapades....like i said before its never good when the men become boys thanks to a bit o'alcohol....but, hell, let's cut loose tonight...

it shots of jack and tequilla shooters for me....

Kenny's sister Bobbie K is supposed to make an appearance tonight...good lord, i go for years without seeing that lady but she doesn't change one bit -- same bitter old lady who looks down on the rest of us just cause we enjoy a pull of beer here and there....but then again

the good Lord was not kind to her - just look at that mug.
well gotta run before kenny's a honken at the curb...wish me luck --njw

nascar baby!

2009-02-17T18:27:00.000-08:00

did you all see it? daytona was last sunday--how freakn exciting is that? i almost had to put my depends on i was so excited! anyway, all that hype and the race was a dissapointment...finished uunder caution due to rain>>>cheap i tell you ...if you cant drive in the rain what good are you??? i have not been around blogland for a while...out christmas trip to florida was extended because cecil"s gout flared up and i wasn't drivin that heap of a van through the mountains in virginia...ugh what a drive..did manage to stop of and pick ethel up a earnhart shirt...did i mention dale jr ran like shit on sunday..caused about a 20 car crash late in the day...he'll never live up to his dad's legacy..long live big E.....speaking of ethel and her new nascar shirt>>>you'll never guess what she got me..check out my new bowling shirt....these shots were taken superbowl sunday...not a stool in the bar to be had so we hit the billiard hall>>shoot even the commercials suck these days...

this weekend i am gettin my wig busted..haven't been to the beauty parlor in years but avis got me a gift certificate for christmas...so i'm off for a wash and a set...stayed tuned for the finished product...oh boy the smell of white rain aerosol...gotta love it.

I'm Outta Here....

2008-12-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

well changes a muck this year, we are all headed to florida...yes, we finally gave into marlene's nagging and are making the trip to her trailer court in sunny florida...one of marlene's past trailer court tenants passed away and left her a bit of cash...cecil, avis and i are renting a minivan from budget and heading south....no kids..thank the good lord..remember i about had a nervous breakdown at thanksgiving....wish us well on our journey, we leave monday and cecil has the stops mapped out thanks to earl his trucker buddy...the best priced gas and slim jims from columbus to tampa.....happy holidays my friends.

turkey day come, turkey day go

2008-11-28T11:52:00.000-08:00

another one in the books - another fresh batch of gray hair...i must be getting OLD because all these damn nieces and nephews never fail to get on my last nerve -- this year all the kool milds, old milwaukee and xanax couldn't compete with them. just wait until christmas and they are all jazzed up on christmas cookies and other festive sugars oh yeah wait that can't be any worse than the monster sized Rockstar energy drinks they all picked up at the service station...i had big plans this year....special to do with my spam creation..... in years past we have just had cold cuts but i thought i would bring back the spam tradition with a twist -- shaping the spam into a turkey, well not as easy as it sounds and it was just a plain ole loaf o'spam...i took some photos with my kodak disk but walgreens told me they haven't developed film from a disk in fifteen to twenty years i say that's a load....just b/c i don't have a fancy you can see the picture immediately camera i can't get my pictures developed? i was so angry, i threw down my Kool Milds, told the kid to pull up his damn pants and promptly went straight to discount drug mart...where i was again heckled for using a camera from the eighties...what's wrong with that my car is the same age and still gets me from a to b.....all this and it was black friday...what is wrong with these people??? i just don't understand, why, why, why, i ask you?????

well one of those teenagers just popped by and loaded a couple pictures of our Velveeta spam

and she scanned me in a old picture of cecil with cecil, jr., his ex-wife and great aunt wanda....not getting me in the christmas spirit at all but maybe it will help one of you all out there...and just in case you don't remember the kodak disk i had my niece take a shot at my apparent antique camera..you betcha still in **mint** condition....

now i am off to the bowling alley to claim my stool and relax with a tall one and of course my kool milds....

freakn halloween

2008-11-22T10:28:00.000-08:00

i know i know get off my back already people...i have been busy with league tourneys at the alley and not enough time to update this nonsense just for everyone elses enterfreakntainment. anyway, i had to chaperone a halloween party in late october and i think i am still recovering...it was nothin like we have around the trailer court, we have some sheets over the head and plastic masks anything for an excuse to get together with a keg of old milwaukee...

look at these costumes - can you believe it..the money spent on these costumes could buy me a crate of Kool Milds...

and to top it off..no bobbing for apples? come on, have you ever been to a party in october and not bobbed for apples? it like going to the high school fun fest and not having a dunk tank. bobbin for apples around the court is always full of shenanigans and a lot of ruckus especially if cecil jr and dale are around..always think its funny to hold some new guys head under until he shooting water out his nose...such nonsense.

survivor bs!

2008-10-09T17:54:00.000-07:00

i am at my usual spot on thursday night, you all know by now, if you dont too bad! the bar tv is tuned into SURVIVOR...

come on, what the*^&@!

who watches that crap and who would want to spend weeks with no bathroom, no toilet paper and the most important things no KOOL MILDS and no OLD MILWAUKEE....

the only time i give up the

old milwaukee is when the bar has 25cent

PABST BLUE RIBBON once a month!

there isnt any amount of money or the promise of a new trailer to get me to spend any amount of time with stinky strangers who think they are all that!!sitting at the bar tonight with me are cecils neighbors that live 2 trailers down from him-

ricky lee and joellen

if you look real close at ricky lees eyes you will notice his glass eye

when he gets real drunk, he takes it out and washes it in his beer....

tonight wasnt one of those nights.

okay enough of the chitchat

back to some real conversation.

NASCAR!

nascar recap!

2008-09-29T16:18:00.000-07:00

i have been back from my nascar trip for a couple of weeks now and lived to talk about it...the race was all i could image but thank gawd it was not too hot, i could not have stood there packed into the grandstand like sardines in 80+ degree weather...some of those guys smelled bad enough without the help of sweat. i ran out of koolmilds about 230 miles into the race and had to snag some vantage cigs from the old man in front of me...i think he thought i was cute with my fashonista butterfly i've been sporting in my doo. to tell you the truth i think i had more fun hangin with my nascar buddies that night before the race -- above you can see me with Big Ray, Martha Jean and Little Ray. if you look closely you can see alot of the drivers autographs on Martha Jeans shirt. Cecil would kill for that shirt...Big Ray, Martha Jean and Little Ray made the trip down from Ct. They make this pilgrimage every year.
the ride with those artsy crafty gals seemed at times the ride to hell ...they could turn a 14 hours drive into a three day excursion stopping at every little antique shop along the way.

We got holed up in rochester, ny on the way back to ohio due to that damn hurricane ike - the wind was blowing so flippin hard i thought i was going to lose half my lee press on nails and wouldn't you know i just glued those bad boys on just before the big race.

when i finally got home i had to beat cecil and family off like flies trying to get in on every little detail of the race and my weekend...whatever, they need to pony up the money and get their own freakn tickets and stop thinking they are all that just because they go to the demolition derby most saturday nights.
i got myself in to a few more adventures while in new hampshire but those will have to wait for another post - it is time for me to head out to the alley and have me a few old milwaukees..
the barstool is calling my name.

nascar bound

2008-09-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

sweet jesus~~

i cannot believe that i am this lucky to be going to an actual nascar race this weekend...

the only problem is that i have to hitch a ride with these 2crafty gals that dont know when to shut their damn pie holes .

shit they wanna stop and take g**damn pictures at every corner...if i hear one more time

"hey, thats a photo op, stop" i am just goin ralph my slim jims up!

this picture is taken at cecils place , i took pleasure in telling him that i was going and he wasnt!!

he couldnt get off from the plant, ha ha!

look over my shoulder and you can see all the damn medication he is on!

family reunion 2008

2008-08-17T17:14:00.000-07:00

when it comes to a family reunion all you have to mention is free beer and cigs and so-called

relatives come out of the woodwork...this years mess happened at the VFW hall...

we had it all steak, sweet corn and BEER...

but the best thing about this annual function is

NO KIDS ALLOWED...

Marlene made it up from Florida:

Avis was there in full force accompanied by her granddaughter Darlene...

who I must say needs to go shopping for some clothes that fit:

Avis's current man-Kennie

and Cecil with his girlfriend Janice...

this was Janice's first reunion but as you can see she fit right in:

janices daughter-jackee and her husband-bruce who is a HUGE nascar fan

Cecil's oldest Cecil Jr. and his wife Shelley:

Cecils youngest son, Dale...he totaled his SUV last weekend and has to

drive his tow truck

everywhere.

This year was one for the books we got Uncle Jessie out..broken arm and all...he fell off a barstool a month back:

Uncle Jesse is my moms(god rest her soul) brother

Dickie (uncle jesses son)showed up in his normal attire of bibs but good god almighty he actually had on a clean t-shirt underneath --

you'll also see his wife Gloria's new tattoo :

A few shots from around the gathering:

the day was as good as it gets around here..

we were missing lonnie jo and the indiana bunch and our

new acquaitance ethel

but all in all

we all left with empty coolers and a little drunker than usual.......

pool season

2008-05-06T14:16:00.000-07:00

well, it is gettin time for cecil to open up his damn pool, he acts like it is some luxurious

place like beverly hills, more like the beverly hillbillies!! it is just some above the ground piece of crap and everyday his brats and their unbehaved friends show up to lay around

on their blow-up

plastic crap from the big lot store this is something that cecil picked up on his way home from the plant

he said there aint nothin wrong with puttin it out by the pool..

i hope he gets some kind of sckiv from it

he is a trash picker loud and proud.
ugh..

this is what cecil thinks his pool looks like???

i guess if you drink enough PBR anything looks good...

cecil opens up his pool memorial day weekend with a big cook-out! i show up long enough to say hello , swig a cold one and then head back over to my little piece of heaven...

cannot stand all those brats and their obnoxious friends....

gawd another summer in HELL...

long lost relative

2008-04-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

much to my dismay, i was forced to go to seattle a couple of weeks ago...

and lo and behold who did i run into???

i was minding my own business waiting to go on that tour, you know where that boat with wheels drives you around seattle and then goes into the water, something about a duck or other..

just keeping to myself eating a slim jim and drinking my over-priced starbucks joe

when i hear this high pitched shrill of a voice calling my name,

i knew that could only belong to one person and one person only

and that is my second cousin - lonnie jo from greencastle, indiana.

lonnie jo is my dads(cecil sr)aunts(coralee) daughter...got that??

well long story short, lonnie jo is living large

managing the 2local laundr-o-mats called the wash & dry

in greencastle...

she was in seattle at a conference for low sudsing detergants and their effeciency..

what is that whoey??

you used to be able to walk into grocery and pick between tide, cheer or all..

3detergants and that is that...

but not now, you got the dang high effeciency detergants, dark colors choices, whites only..

sweet jesus, i just buy my soap at the stop and shop, where i buy my smokes

one choice in and out...

anyway, she still lives in a rental with her live-in, who we only know as eddie...

well there was no where for me to run , so i had to listen to her yap and yap

about when we were young and used to fight over who was a catch-

mannix-her choice

or mine-rockford(xox)..

that 2hrs couldnt had been any slower.....

i ate my whole pack of slim jims and couldnt wait to

get off that ride so i could smoke my ciggys in peace..

it was nice to see her for a minute but if i dont see her again in 20yrs

i couldnt care....

she was annoying then and annoying now....

flippin snow

2008-03-07T17:22:00.000-08:00

march sure is coming in like a lion and i do not like it one bit stuck in this rat hole of a trailer for three straight days....

at least its a break from cecil..he is a good brother but everytime i turn around there he is......another thing.. the k -car is awful in this weather..all weather tires my ass...

i went out just long enough to grab a couple cartons of virginia slims, some str8 up slim jims and some PBR.....thank god the GAS N GO right outside the trailer court and down the street....there was no way in hell that i was stepping foot in the walmart tonight, those idiots act like they never seen snow before and are stock piling everything they can get

their grubby hands on......

thank elvis i still have my cable

i do love my reruns of the rockford files.....

happy hallmark $$ makn day

2008-02-14T15:01:00.000-08:00

hang on to your seats people~i need a couple of more puffs on the cig before i can start this post..
mmmm, nothing like a virginia slim right out of a fresh pack and a str8 up slim jim before i head off to the bowling alley, cecil and janice are in some kind of damn tournament where they could possible win some money, which cecil will then spend on more artifical grass for his trailer deck while janice will try and get him to take her on a luxury vacation to niagara falls..
ps -that trip will never happen~

dewey the bartender at the alley bar bought this lamp on his recent vacation to graceland..
i like elvis but nothing beats a good love song sung buy the one and only
~liberace..
.gawd, i adore him......

okay, enough chitchat, gotta get myself to the alley , tonight beer is 2for 1, a little something
dewey likes to call his double pleasure night, he does this every valentines day...
he also changes all the light bulbs to red
the whole bar looks like a cheap whore house..business will be booming...
i think it is alot of hoey for one night...

Turkey day dinner

2007-11-20T20:30:00.000-08:00

yep its about that time to deal with the family, everyone is a comin'

cecil with his fling janice, avis, marlene and all the baffoons...before we get to dinner i wanted to relive the highlight of my life what i give thanks to everyday an escape from my smoke filled low down boring life....my one night with liberace.....

now for dinner we are going all out....

we have buddig turkey, ham, corned beef yum yum

then add a side of starch

and wash it down with shasta

finally, the dessert buffet.....from the hostess second hand store of course....no pumpkin here.....straight up refined sugar to feed the baffoons and then send em home until christmas rolls around......god help me.

Trip 2 with "the tooters"

2007-10-23T05:47:00.000-07:00

Well I don't know how this blog thing works but am told can post some pictures here and stuf...guess'll have to get the nephew over here to show me how..anywho marlene is in town and able to watch cecil's dog so i can head north to WI this weekend for some unknown escapades with the so called tooters...met up with them this summer in chicago...what a hoot..anyway let ya know what happens up north...hope i can have my cigs up there...off to the store to pick me up some str8 up beef jerky for the road trip.........................